I write a lot. It's mostly a random collection of words that describe how I feel in a particular moment, but I do write a lot. Sometimes my words even form sentences.

I hide my writing all over the place: phone notes, sketchbooks, clean napkins, dirty napkins, more sketchbooks, unopened mail, important official documents, etc. No one ever really gets to see it though because they are a chaotic collection of raw thoughts that I think I can describe better with a single photo. 

But I'm feeling a little bold today. Maybe it's because I'm skipping town for a couple of weeks or maybe it's because I want to relish in that rush of impulsive decision-making that led me to take this third trip to Iceland (within the same year) in the first place. I've added a few photos in case you get bored of words. Either way, let me introduce you to my brain:

Surrounded by Giants
Hannagen's Peak - August 2016

The light is fading into a crisp red over the blankets of snow snuggling these Giants. We're surrounded. The sun is falling fast but the moonlight is already full and bright, watching over me as I tuck into my sleeping bag to watch the stars dance. There's a whisper in the wind that quiets my mind. It tells my that I am exactly where I am meant to be. 

Thoughts of the Trade
November 2016

In order to create an understanding of others, you need a fundamental understanding of yourself. A portrait should tell a story with form and movement. If you understand your body, you'll understand the story. Photography is basically Life Drawing, but with less nudes. Unless you only photograph nudes, then it's probably about the same.

Fears of Flying
On the way to LAX - January 2017

Patches of snow riddled the hillside of Oregon as we glide smoothly above. I'm crossing my fingers that our tailwinds are strong enough to bring us there in time to make our connecting flight. My mind is not at ease. 

Please let us fly quick, let us fly safe. A chant in my mind to add to my crossed fingers. It was a beat i couldn't get out of my head, like when you get water stuck in your ear after a day at the beach. 

We pass a flat little tundra dusted gray with snow. Then suddenly the landscape was littered with Cindercones and I know we've made it pass Central Oregon. It was a beautiful day for such a stressful situation. Hard not to appreciate that, even as my mind is about to explode. 

[EDIT] We had 15 minutes to get out the door around the mass of people 1 mile to another terminal and back through security and yes we did somehow make the flight. 

Summary of Dreams
Miscellaneous

ONE
Modified nerf guns. A library. Inception. Deception. A sinking feeling that you're missing something incredibly important right in front of your face. 

TWO
Murder. An apple. Prying eyes. 10 kittens. Confidence then sleepless nights. 

THREE
Movie theater. Second floor door. Puzzling obstacles in lieu of stairs. Floating. Sometimes you make things more complicated than they need to be. The answer is: "Don't think about it."

Thoughts of Green, Black, and Blue
Ireland & Iceland - October 2016

IRELAND
The orange/red sun turns these green hills into a purple haze. I'm watching the crows fly over head in formation one by one passing me. Everything is in slow motion. The stone houses were still sleeping. 

The roads were narrow, long and weavy but cars paid no bother. That always seems to be the case in everywhere but the US. We're spoiled with big open spaces and a beautiful lack of density everywhere except major cities since we're babies compared to the history of other cultures. 

Irish radio was rather depressing, constantly discussing the time-old struggle of budget politics and having victims relive rape and murder. But McDermit and Dave were like rays of sun breaking through the clouds after a terribly rainy afternoon. They turned problems into solutions with rants about roasts, how to prevent robins from knocking on your knocker every morning, or how to prevent your goat from jumping on all of your cars. This country is country and I love it.

Ireland, like Iceland, didn't have peaks like the PNW but what it did have were rolling lush hills of green pastures perfectly squared to fit sheep and lamb and goats and at one point an alpaca. 

ICELAND
When i made it to Iceland it felt like I was coming home...except I had 30mph winds whipping at my face as a big warm welcome. 

I found trees in Iceland!! Beautiful orange, yellows and greens along the coast with the thick purple hues shading the hills above. Many of the trees looked like they belonged in a graveyard, groves of thick winding branches, but I found them and they are mine.

Rolling hills of gold hiding mossy rocks beneath. I had the whole road to myself. I think I deserved it after spending 5 hours driving on a road made for potholes. The sun was glistening over the weeds and the pockets of water keeping the potholes busy.

The wind was so intense from the storm, it was raining sideways. You could see a layer of mist riding the roadway. As we drove, the mist swirled along the road toward us. Were we actually moving or was the road moving?

I saw the wind collecting in the valley and all at once as I pass, it shoots out like a dart aiming for the car. One huge gust of wind pushing us back. The car couldn't move forward. We were stuck on this little bridge waiting to pass the valley of wind but we couldn't decide on the correct airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow to pass.

We were making our way toward kirkjufell. It was windy and raining hard but we gave it a try. Just before we rounded the mountain, we found a bridge, low on the water with a stunning bay lying a foot below on either side. As we started across it in the car, giant waves pulled up from the water surrounding, crashing sideways into the roadway like a tsunami over a town of gravel folk. Needless to say, we turned right back around.

The Success of Failure
June 2016

In the last two months I have had a significant streak of failures in my outdoor lifestyle. I had to make adult decisions which banked on survival instinct. I had to turn my back on a few goals so that I could continue to make new goals. I dubbed this moment in my life the success of failures.

I've always been one to learn the hard way- my parents can attest to that. I like making mistakes. For me it has always been a way to build a faster learning curve but I'm also incredibly impatient and I would rather start big or go home. My idiotic lack of fear in these situations help kickstart me into a passion of whatever I'm learning, but the most important lesson to learn is know your limits.

In order to learn from your mistakes, you'll need to push yourself further than you have in the past. But never take yourself for granted here. If you're playing in extremely dangerous situations, pushing yourself too far can be deadly. Know your limits and test them, but never push yourself past a limit where you can or will likely be injured or worse. Luck won't always be on your side. 

It wasn't until I was leant the book, "The Talent Code," that I really understood what was happening. 

There is a deeper understanding that we often use to learn from our mistakes. On the outside our failures are nothing more than scratches on our surface. Deep down, these failures are what make us who we are: be it famous talents, or streetcar dreamers.  

In the larger scheme of things, there is a science behind talent and mistakes in the practice of it are what ultimately make us great. Practice makes perfect plays into this, but not without actively correcting our failures. More often than not, this is a subconscious trait, fueled by whatever passion set you off to practice in the first place. 

In the simplest form of it, we are evolving because of our mishaps. There can be no good without the bad to give you appreciation for what you have. The most decorated artists in their field have made the most mistakes and that experience is what gives them such a wide array of knowledge to become professionals or experts in what they do. 

Anyway, that's been a draft in my blog for quite sometime and I thought it was about high time it got posted. It's hard to keep up with myself sometimes. You know me, so much to do and only right now to get it all done. One day I'll get my priorities in line, but in my defense, I'm still young and dumb and have a lot more mistakes to make before I get there so might as well take advantage of this time while I've still got it!